At the end of June, Robert and I committed to becoming missionaries for World Impact. We had been pursuing, praying and following God’s direction in this since September of 2011. So, you’d think when the final approval to be on the WI missionary team came, that I would be thrilled right?
Well, I was pleased. I was happy. But, there was also something that stopped this happiness. I couldn’t quite feel happy down to my bones. I was happy in my mind, but my heart was not responding as I thought it might.
The next week, I found myself wandering and wondering. I kept asking why couldn’t I stay as a triathlon coach. I’d be even more bold in sharing my faith – I promise Lord. I could volunteer at WI. I could apply to the position in Kansas City I ran into on Fellowship of Christian Athletes for an area director. A mission position… but to athletes. Certainly, that makes more sense for me doesn’t it Lord??
I had lunch on Friday with a dear friend and we talked about WI. I left lunch reoriented correctly and more excited. Saturday and Sunday I drifted. Coaching brings me such joy and I had coached Saturday morning and cheered athletes at a race Sunday morning. Surely Lord I am helpful to your kingdom right where I am…right? Why not?
Sunday night we had dinner with WI friends and mentors. They shared openly and honestly and again I was reoriented and stopped drifting. Then, Monday came and I began to drift again. What IS this drifting? It’s me, a soldier for God, trying to change the orders God has given me…ouch.
At our week of missionary boot camp, one of the teachings was on being a Soldier for God. I’ve been hanging on to that and making a list of things that a soldier is, does and thinks. It has been tremendously helpful. But, not quite yet part of my DNA so it doesn’t hold me to where I’ve been called with my husband – to missionary work at World Impact.
This morning, Jesus met me and taught me in His ever humble, gentle way!
I read this tweet from Pastor Rick Warren:
Never let other people push you past God’s purpose for your life.
The supporting scripture: John 6:15
When Jesus saw they were ready to force him to be king, he slipped away into the hills by himself.
I picked up my reading in John chapter 18. Here Jesus is in the Garden awaiting being arrested.
Verses 4-9 say:
Jesus fully realized all that was going to happen to him, so he stepped forward to meet them. “Who are you looking for?” he asked. “Jesus the Nazarene,” they replied.
I Am he,” Jesus said. As Jesus said, “I Am he,” they all drew back and fell to the ground!
Once more he asked them “ Who are you looking for?” And again they replied, “Jesus the Nazarene.”
“I told you that I Am he, “ Jesus said. “ And since I am the one you want, let these others go.” He did this to fulfill his own statement: “I did not lose a single one of those you have given me.”
As I reread these verses, I gained some clarity and understanding that will help to keep me focused, sure and yes, even excited about following God’s orders to me that I become a missionary, with my husband, at World Impact.
Do what God has called and told you to do. No more. No less.
Jesus did not let their desire for him to be king, steer him in the wrong direction. Sure, He could have done a lot of good being their king right? But, that’s not what God had called and told him to come to earth to do at this time.
Be clear, confident, courageous and proactive as I do what God tells me to do.
As they came to arrest Jesus, it was Jesus who stepped forward and asked those arresting him who they wanted. He didn’t wait. He stepped forward and into His call, His task, His orders, His assignment.
Jesus had to do this alone. And He did. It’s human nature to want others to go into the fire with us…but, if God calls and tells me to step into it alone, alone I must go. Of course, God would be with me..but humanly speaking, alone I must go. Just as Jesus did.
In the book Jesus Calling it says that Jesus tells us:
Do not fear my will for through it, I will accomplish what is best for you.
These lessons and understandings have helped me to put some very good points on my “what is a soldier” page! Today I added the following to that page:
A soldier waits for orders.
A soldier listens carefully to the orders.
A soldier executes the orders just as instructed.
A soldier doesn’t change or alter the orders.
A soldier doesn’t do more or less than the orders.
Our God is a beautiful God and I do not always understand His ways and choices for my life and even though I’ve been subtly and shyly asking for my orders to stay the same…nonetheless, I will follow my new orders!
Because of this teaching this morning I am more excited and clear! I am honored and privileged to become a missionary. I am honored and blessed that I can do this right beside my favorite person in the whole world, my husband Robert.
God knows best. I do not.
I am God’s soldier. Awaiting orders. Accepting orders. Carrying out the orders just as given.
Thank you Jesus for teaching me this morning.